Old flames and ashes

A few weeks later, it was nearing the time for my Scottish guy to come and visit. We had plans to go out to dinner the night after he got into town. It was still summer, and I had no responsibilities , except for teaching during the day. I was teaching a group of 5 and 6 year olds on the day of his pending arrival, and we were pretending that we were animals. Now, I have to insert here with the fact that I didn't wear my ring while I was teaching. I was afraid that I would loose it, or that I would scratch one of my kids while we were playing or improving or wrestling. What if one of the diamonds fell out and someone picked it up and swallowed it? I know now that I was only justifying in my mind the reasons why I wasn't wearing it. The truth was that I didn't really want to be, but those reasons were fair enough to keep everyone off my back about it.
So there I was pretending to be a cow for a very captive 5 and 6 year old audience, dressed in ripped jeans, a band t shirt with a bandana on my head, and I looked up and he was there. My Scottish guy was watching me with these kids and he had this smile on his face that I had never seen before. I think he would have married me right that second if I had let him. I left my class in the hands of my assistant, ran down the isle of the theatre and hugged him as if he had been lost at sea and pronounced dead.
The next night, I was getting dressed for dinner and my mom begged me not to wear my ring. She said that he already knew and that was hurtful enough, and begged me not to wear it. I have learned as I got older that if you don't want me to do something, just insist that I do it. Since my mom was so insistant that I shouldn't wear it, I put it on my finger and walked out the door. Was I being a brat? Yes. Did I really want to rub in the love of my life's face that I had an engagement ring? No. But, I did it any way and we all know that hindsight is 20/20.
We went to dinner, and had lovely, yet extremely awkward time. There were words floating in the air that both of us wanted to say, but neither of us could find the strength. I am sure he wanted to say something about my ring, and all I wanted to do was take it off, throw it away, pretend I lost it, but the damage had been done. His heart had been broken.
When I dropped him off at our friend's house later that evening, we had a very awkward goodbye. He hugged me very tightly for a very long time. He whispered in my ear as he was stroking my hair, that seeing that ring on my finger was the most heartbreaking moment of his life, and if I changed my mind to please let him know. I cried and he cried and then he said he would always love me. And then he said goodbye in a way that we had never said goodbye before. I was convinced that this was it and that I would never see or hear from my Scottish guy ever again.
On that note I must leave you. This story is getting easier to tell, and the tears that fall are no longer uncontrollable, but I am still teary eyed and my heart still hurts, and that means it is time to leave you until tomorrow.