Everyone makes mistakes, right?

So now that I have kept you all on the edge of your seats, and I am sure everyone is dying to know what my stupid thing was, just please remember that everyone makes mistakes. Yes, even little ole me. I would just like to remind everyone that I was devastatingly heart broken, and heart break sometimes makes people do crazy things. I went back to my college after the Scottish clan left Memphis and that's when it happened. I was lonely and I wanted someone next to me. My heart was broken and I wanted to feel loved again. Though my Scottish guy and I were still speaking, and still emailing and sending letters, I had convinced myself that I could never be with him. There was an ocean in between us after all. So, I took the plunge. The kind where you close your eyes and hope to God you don't break your neck on the bottom.
I got back together with my college, freshman year boyfriend. We had dated for the entire second semester freshman year and I had broken up with him at the beginning of the summer. Its a good thing too, because I might have acted differently while in Scotland and not have the amazing memories that I have.
I wasn't in love with him and everyone knew it, but I needed someone to love me, and at the time he tried his very best. I didn't even have the courage to tell my Scottish guy that I was seeing someone... I was a coward. My soon to be exroommate found him on AIM and told him... without even discussing it with me. That took me a very long time to forgive... and I might still be a little bitter.
But, the damage was done and I got an email from Scotland, telling me that I was a coward, and not the girl he thought I was. In my defense, I didn't consider it cheating because I wasn't even sure we were together, especially after he told me that his friends told him not to ask me to marry him. I know at this point, you probably all think I am a horrible person... but please let me continue... and I ask that you all bear with me, because unfortunately, it gets worse before it gets better. I must leave you once again with tears streaming down my face, and a twinge of a broken heart. Until tomorrow, my friends... at least... I hope you are still my friends.