Just on the edge of crazy

My scottish guy went home and I didn't see him for the rest of his visit. It was no matter, he had done what he had come to do. I was in such a state of shock that I didn't know what to do. For me it had always been him. He was the one and I couldn't fathom him not being the one. It was a struggle for me because I had done the same to him, how dare I think that he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend. I didn't think that, it had just never occured to me that he would .... not that he wasn't worthy of having one... it was just that after my star, I thought I was his girlfriend. I mean he bought me a star for crying out loud.
I dealt with my pain the best that I knew how to do. I cried, I watched sappy movies, I ate tons of junk food, but still I could find nothing to actually fill this gaping hole in my heart. Then one day I had the wonderful idea to email and just remind him how I felt about him. That was when I snapped. Not hard core, "One Floo Over the Cookoo's Nest" snapped, or even "The Bell Jar" snapped, but somewhere close to Julia Roberts in "My Best Friend's Wedding" snapped. I am fairly certain that I even plaigerized her in my email when I said, "You have loved me for four years. Pick me. Love me. Marry Me."
I said a lot more things that looking back now, I wish I had simply let time tell its tale, but I was still young and I thought that if I didn't have him, I would never find someone to love me the way he did. And even now, 6 years later, I have yet to find a man who can love me the way I want him too.
So I snapped and waded softly in the deep end. Two days later when my Scottish guy emailed me back, it was worse than I expected. He said that he would always love me, but seeing as though there was an ocean in between us, that we should explore our options. We were still so very young, why should we think that we had found our soulmates at such a young age. He said "I will love you forever, Shanna, but I want to see where this relationship can go."
I think that after that I emailed him five or six more times, and a different response never came. Actually any response at all never came. That was the last email I recieved from him, and that was six years ago. However, don't think the story ends there. Today I will leave you with a thought from my good friend Pat... "We are young. Heart ache to heart ache we stand. Love is a battlefield."